FOREWORD - by William Glasser, M.D.

Dr. J. Thomas Bellows, a very valuable member of the William Glasser Institute, has written a revised edition of a previous book, Angering in the Family. Happiness in the Family—Using Choice Theory to Eliminate Hostility in the Family, is a book you can not only read yourself, but can share with the individuals and the unhappy families with whom you work. To me, the most usable concept in the book, a concept that Tom and I have often discussed, is external control psychology or, put more simply, external control.

For the foreseeable future, all of us will continue to live in a world completely dominated by external control. There are about six thousand societies in our world and every one of these societies, large and small, rich or poor, religious or not, and regardless of skin color, employ external control whenever its members have difficulty getting along with each other. When they use external control, it harms or destroys every relationship in which it is used. Yet, for all practical purposes, external control has penetrated our thinking to the point it has become common sense.

What makes the external control way of relating to each other so deadly is that the people who use it firmly believe that it is the right thing to do. For example, in the United States, half of the marriages end in divorce and almost all of these are caused by external control by one partner over the other or the fight for supremacy of control between the two parties. All of this family misery, including violence and even murder, is the result of one or both members of the marriage firmly believing that there is no viable alternative to using external control on each other.

What I believe, and Tom explains clearly in Happiness in the Family, is that there is a pleasant alternative to external control. I have labeled it Choice Theory. Choice Theory is both easy and enjoyable to learn. While adding this concept to your counseling repertoire takes a little effort, its effect is dramatically positive. I know this statement may seem excessive, but as you read this book and teach the concepts to the people with whom you work, you will be rewarded by a great deal of heads nodding in agreement as their minds begin to absorb what to most of them is a very new idea.

—William Glasser, M.D.

Creator of Choice Theory®, Reality Therapy, Quality School Program, and Lead-Management

Author of many books and articles on the application of his theories

President of the William Glasser Institute